Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
