O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
