My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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