I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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