I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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