As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
