She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
