Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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