Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
