So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
