I think I am morally bankrupt
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
