Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
