so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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