plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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