you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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