Your dad touched me again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
