just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
