My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
