After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
