Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
