It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
