he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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