Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
