just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
