please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Randomize
