Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
