made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
