Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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