Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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