I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
