If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
