Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize