Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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