Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
50% drunk capacity currently
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize