Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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