chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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