I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i think im in europe. pls send help
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
