i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
