Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I want is dick and wine.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
