can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
