Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize