i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
