I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
