you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I need to stop coming to work sober
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
