hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
