dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The beer is more important than you right now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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