I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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