Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
