I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
