You work out of a Hotel?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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