do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
