I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
