so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
