i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
