nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
