Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
