so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
