Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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