Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am midnight drunk by noon
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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