Pregnant stripper...not hot.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
