she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
