based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
