There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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