Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
