Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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