I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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