yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
