the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
