How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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