just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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