Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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