That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
